Today, I found myself again. She was hiding under a pile of depression laden skin and tear filled fat, although I’m quite skinny you can see where my baggage hides, but thats just it, my baggage is hidden. Finally…
For the first time today I felt alive.
I went shopping, and upon entering GUESS, I was offered my own stylist. She dressed me in things I wouldn’t even have guessed to pick and they looked amazing. I walked out with $400 in GUESS clothes and a new sense of style.
I took myself out for dinner. I went to Humpty’s, a Canadian chain of breakfast restaurants. When I walked in the girl looked behind me expectantly for a partner, but none came. It’s not that I don’t have one, my boyfriend was at home, I just chose to go alone. And is that so wrong? That I don’t need a partner, or even friend to validate my presence at a restaurant, I can just do it myself, with the utmost confidence and lack of fear.
I sat at the table, ordered a hot roast beef sandwich and did my expenses, then continued to read the newspaper. I would’ve watched football (soccer, but I don’t care what you say it should be football) but Ireland were beating Canada 12-9 so I felt obligated to retain half of my nationality pride and continue to read the daily sleaze.
After all, maybe one day ill be famous. Maybe one day I won’t be able to eat alone in perfect quiet, but all I know now, is today I felt, (for the first time since i was a child), like I mattered. Like I was someone. I am someone. I am me.