Flawed Design

God had a wicked sense of humour when he breathed life into my soul.

He gave me every gift a girl could dream of… And one curse.

Allow I may appear pretty, talented, and as many have told me in the past, exceptional smart, I am tragically flawed.

I am drawn to everything strange and unusual. Subjects of a dark, macabre nature intrigue me. In fact, my parents were told when I was 8 “perhaps your daughter should broaden her interest in books…” Almost immediately after I had finished reading the Thomas Harris “Hannibal Lecter” trilogy.

And it doesn’t stop there. Like many writers and performers before me, I also have a taste for the fast life, the high life. The problem with these indulgences is that they have almost killed me. And I’m still scared that I’ll die before my time is due as a result of my lifestyle choices.

The worst part about it all now is, I recognize what I’m doing. I understand I’m literally a moth to a flame… I just need to find a tiny candle to flicker around instead of a bonfire… But is one candle ever enough for someone who should be able to light up Westminster abbey? I don’t love myself enough to use my own light, so instead, I go both willingly and blindly to what I’m sure will one day be my demise, the flame.

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This entry was posted in angel, anxiety, beauty, brunette, calgary, canada, childhood, commonsense, confidence, control, crazy, death, depression, derranged, devastation, discipline, disturbing, drugs, embarrassing, fight, gay, girlproblems, glamour, god, goodbye, hope, identity, individuality, inspiration, love, masochistic personality disorder, mentalhealth, nerd, nervous, opinion, photography, PTSD, scars, truth, universe and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Flawed Design

  1. Charles Huss says:

    May I recommend that spend some time volunteering. Helping others can be satisfying and rewarding without putting you in danger. You my even learn to love yourself.

    Like

    • You could be right! I used to volunteer at the hospital when I was in high school I loved it. I was a cuddler for new born babies 😉 and also did kindergarten tours with grade 1 students 🙂
      But that’s a great idea thanks Charles!

      Like

  2. Gaurab says:

    You are blessed not just with the wonderful gift of life but as you have said with so many talents. Please don’t waste them, there is a purpose behind everything and I think you just need that. Just keep yourself open to life 🙂

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  3. You have really good insight into your personality.(moth to flame) It might be good to think about the motivation for the compelling allure of self danger. Could be a great source for a magnificent story that will light Westminster with a small match. Best to you.

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  4. Ara says:

    I couldn’t resist commenting. Well written!

    Like

  5. Rhoda says:

    I am really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog.
    Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?

    Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare
    to see a great blog like this one nowadays.

    Like

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