Nightmares

Since acquiring PTSD almost 5years ago, I am plagued by nightmares every night. Even when I jolt out of bed from one, I fall back asleep, and and right back in the same scenario, same dream.
It’s like even reality can’t save me from my imagination.
Last night was another recurring one. The first couple times we’re back at my grandparents place, and the end of the world is coming, and I’m trying to find a way to keep the devil from seeping up through the basement.

The other night He revealed himself to me, in all his horror, and he told me, ” you can be famous, I’ll give you everything you want, just give me your father.”
I begged and pleaded NO, he could not, and I swore would make it on my own merit, without his “help”
Last night the same dream came back. But this time he upped the ante. He said “give me both your parents and I’ll give you eternal youth”
And I still begged, NO, you can’t. I need them. You can’t have them. The more I refused the more he would torture me with images of pain beyond most humans understanding.
I stood my ground.
I awoke feeling exhausted, like I’ve been battling on another plane of spiritual existence.
I’m now sitting with a coffee, still shook up, trying to tell my 28yr old self, “it was just a dream.”
😦

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This entry was posted in angel, anxiety, beauty, blog, brunette, calgary, canada, control, dad, daddy, death, depression, derranged, devastation, devil, disaster, family, father, fight, god, goodbye, love, makeup, model, modeling, mother, nightmares, pain, photography, PTSD, scars, spirituality, truth, universe, writer and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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