There comes a time at the end of every arduous battle, that one must say “enough is enough” and call it quits. I reached that point last night.
Some of you may remember my boyfriend cheated on me, for the second time. Normally I’m not the forgiving type, but this guy had worked his way into my heart and was so hard to shake. But after that last betrayal, I knew in my soul it was the end. Every time I looked at him I felt a dagger pierce my soul, I felt humiliated, disrespected, even ugly.
If you’ve ever been cheated on, you know how it feels. It’s like someone tore out your intestines with their fingernails.
While we were still entertaining the idea of making this work, he purposely avoided me for two days straight knowing exactly how I would react.
For once I saw this from the adult perspective.
I told myself “if he cares, truly cares, he’ll at least try, and if he doesn’t, he won’t.”
… I received not one text or call
…. He didn’t care
He may “love me” in his own way, but it’s not the way I deserve. I’m so glad my friend shared this post yesterday as it was basically what confirmed how I feel (http://realnewspaper.wordpress.com/2014/03/13/why-men-cheat-on-loyal-women/)
So after that I waited until after work, and I wrote the final goodbye. I had a stressful day and after I was driving home , I was stopped by a train. When I put the car in park I broke down crying. I sobbed like a little girl. I knew this was the end.
I had asked for one last phone call. He begrudgingly accepted my request. In it he voiced his concerns that I would look at him “like a pig” and I found myself yelling, crying and confirming, saying what I never thought I’d say to him “YOU ARE A PIG!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!! TWICE!!! I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU!!!!”
And at the very end, I had no idea this was what I wanted, but once he said it it was…
He burst into tears and said “I RUINED IT I RUINED EVERYTHING I RUINED OUR RELATIONSHIP CAROLYNNE IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY??”
And almost joyous but so pained I cried back ” YES!!! That is what I wanted to hear!!!” That was it…
Sometimes… You can’t put the pieces back together. Sometimes, you’re just so broken there’s no repairing what once was. All one can do is reminisce about the good times and try not to remember the time the world as we knew it shattered into pieces.
My family would lose it if they knew he made me cry one more time. But know this, it will be the last time, for you, or any man.
Love is for honest people and fools. Until I find another honest person I’ll take my time off from the fools.