GOT GAME?

Are you a desperate man? Seeking comfort for the night so intensely to the point you scare off your prey? Ever wonder why the guys who are assholes are always getting the girls?

Let me spell it out for you.

As much as you boys like the chase, we also like to chase, play detective, figure things out for ourselves that you otherwise wouldn’t have told us. We’re curious little things, like kittens, bat a ball to us and we’ll bat it back… But pick us up, smother us, suffocate us… And I’m sorry I love kittens too much to write what happens after your suffocate them… But you get the point.

Too many times, while out with my friends, we watch the guys practically climbing over each other in an effort to impress us, telling us sickly sweet things to try and get us in bed. You replace our name with a term such as “gorgeous” and slobber over us to the point that we literally want to puke…

Where the hell did your game go boys??? Have they stopped teaching you how to woo a chick? You don’t ever want to sound needy, clingy, it’s far too much. But you also don’t want to be a complete dick… So here we go. I’ll just put a list of Do’s and Don’t’s

DO!

– introduce yourself, if shes interested continue, if not, move on, lots of women in the world.
– compliment her, BUT ONLY ONCE OR TWICE! More than that we think (rather, we know) you’re full of shit and just trying to get us in the sack.
– text her when u wake up and when u go to bed (in the day let her think about what you’re up to, but don’t let her think you’ve forgotten about her at the key points in time)
– buy her flowers
– take her shopping
– dinner, movies, picnics,
So on…..

ABSOLUTELY DO-FUCKING-NOT

– text her every 2mins. And when she doesn’t text back send “??????” You’re not a woman, please relocate your balls and try again.
– enter her bubble. When you’re trying to get to know her, let her invade your bubble if shes interested, if shes not and you’re all up in her bubble, you’re going to be rejected.
– talk about how your ex broke your heart. (Do I look like dr Phil to you?)
– talk about how good you are in bed… Trust me, if u say that, you’re fucking terrible in bed. All the guys that rocked my world didn’t say shit, they just performed.
– forget to brush your teeth (can’t believe I have to remind u guys this)
– say you like her cause you like curvy girls, (motherf*@$er did you just call me fat!!!???)
– say she reminds you of your mother… This may be acceptable in 10yrs, but right now it’s creepy as hell.
– show up at her work unexpectedly… No one buys that you “just happened to be in the area” and I promise you she just texted her bestie saying “stalker alert!!!” Or “stranger danger!!”

Just be cool guys, is that too hard to ask?

Game on boys… May the best player win.

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