Sometimes the meds aren’t enough. I don’t know if I’m hormonal right now, or if it’s just a combination of recent events finally catching up with me, but I’ve been in and out of tears for the last 4 days. I’ve managed to get done what needs to be done (which is new for me, usually I crumble and everything around me comes down with it.) but this time I just run to the bathroom for 10mins, sob my heart out, and come back out. I don’t come back out “ok” but I function. Anyone who knows me well can tell I’m very distracted though. My thoughts are somewhere else, my heart is somewhere else.
The more I succeed the less time I have to focus on what hurts me so I suppose that’s good, but when things slow I find my mind trickling back to that dark place hidden within me. I become overwhelmed with sadness and confusion. I can’t remember half the things I was supposed to do 5 mins prior. Thanks god I have the next two days off… Cause this model needs a time out.
Commence mission: fetal position, chai tea, and ugly Betty re runs. I’ll get back to you all as soon as I’m more cheerful, no one likes a sad model 😪
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