It’s not you, it’s me.

There was a time in my life where I fought for men’s attention. That time was my entire life up until the Rottweiler attack. After that I learned all too well how to hide from people, until this blog…
And well, you all know me now…
I never thought in a million years, after having my face torn apart, that I would be in a position where not only do I feel at my best, but I have my choice of suitor. From quite a few very good options.
Sounds great right!?
Well it wouldn’t be my life if there wasn’t chaos….
It’s just my luck that at the EXACT time in my life when men are falling at my feet, I become TERRIFIED OF YOU ALL!!!

You guys scare the shit out of me. And why? Because one of your kind managed to ruin me. And I try my best not to hold it against you all, but he did. And the very thought of giving myself to someone like I did to him makes my stomach flip. I get anxious. I want to run, hide.

How did I end up here!? The old me would’ve been elated to relish in this attention. Meanwhile I simply feel frightened, and perhaps more alone for accepting this behaviour.

So guys, if I seem scared, or distant, that’s because I am. I’ll come out and play for a while but don’t take it personally when I run home to cuddle my cats in solitude. If you notice me doing this, give me my space, but don’t give up. I need someone strong. If you’re gonna bitch out the second I do well we won’t get anywhere will we? So ya, it’s nothing personal…

It’s just me.

Photo by Andre Goulet


This entry was posted in anxiety, author, beauty, betrayal, blog, boyfriend, brunette, calgary, canada, cat, confidence, depression, fans, fashion, GUESS, love, makeup, Men, mentalhealth, model, modeling, photography, PTSD, responsibility, scars, sex, sexlife, Yyc and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to It’s not you, it’s me.

  1. Cheers Carolynne, I applaud your honesty and openness. You’re telling the world who you are and I expect that you’ll be rewarded for it. Be you, always!


  2. miabrandi says:

    Reading this reminded me so much of myself!! I admire your honesty. Beautiful post<3


  3. Being completely open, honest and upfront about past experiences like this are tough. Thanks for posting!


  4. Maybe time and positive experiences will help. In the meantime, thank heaven for kitties. Thanks for sharing.


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